Yesterday was my last appointment at the weight center and I went out
with...a gain.
There are no excuses for why I gained weight back. I could have done a lot
of things differently to avoid that but I didn't. The worst part was when the
Doctor came in (with her student that was following her) and they have to tell
you that you gained weight even though they know that you are fully aware. The
look on their face was like they were telling me that my dog died.
It is what it is; I can't linger on that moment and let it affect me more
than it needs to.
We discussed my plans with my insurance and the timeline for my
surgery.
I will be switching to my husband’s insurance plan for the surgery because
they have less out-of-pocket expenses. Since I will be saving about $40/week
not paying for my insurance I will be opening up a flexible spending account to
help with my deductible expense. This is what is delaying the surgery so much.
As it stands I could have surgery at the end of this year but My insurance plan
through my employer doesn't renew until May 2015 and that is when I can open
the flexible spending account. My husband's insurance has an initial deductible
expense of $1000 and that is what I will be saving for.
As it stands I need to meet with my PCP to get a referral letter for surgery
as well as a low-dose prescription for cholesterol medication so that it is
documented. At the beginning of the weight clinic my cholesterol was very
slightly elevated which is why she suggests going on medication. Would I be ok
without it? Sure.
Would it benefit me to be on it? Most likely. This medication will be my
second and final co-morbidity in order to qualify for surgery.
At the beginning of the appointment they always get my weight, blood
pressure, pulse, and hip and waist measurements. My weight was 228.4 and my BP
was 132/70…very high for me; my normal used to be 117/70.
This is becoming more real and I couldn’t be more excited. I want my life
back and I can’t wait for the journey to progress.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Inspiration
Making the decision to move forward with weight loss surgery was not easy. I still struggle with the feeling of defeat; that my weight beat me and I am surrendering. I have to remind myself why I want this and look at my inspirations; the self-hate just falls to pieces after that. I have 2 amazing children and a dreamboat husband, my friends, my life.
A number of my family members have had weight loss surgery so I don't have to look too far for advice, motivation, and my future.
One of my best friends is my Aunt and she just celebrated her 1 year anniversary of her vertical sleeve gastrectomy. She has loss a total of 102 pounds and she said she has never felt better- EVER. She has more energy, is happier, and just wouldn't change it for anything. She said he major improvement is her energy because now she can do so many things that weren't even a possibility a year ago. The downside is that she waited too long to lose the weight and now she has arthritis so she cant exercise very much but she doesn't need to; she is perfect. Everything about her has changed; she is so much happier, her smile is brighter and she just radiates positive energy.
That is what I want; a total body and mind renewal. The kids are getting harder to keep up with and I just can't wait until the day that I can keep up with them (or maybe even outlast them....keep dreaming).
A number of my family members have had weight loss surgery so I don't have to look too far for advice, motivation, and my future.
One of my best friends is my Aunt and she just celebrated her 1 year anniversary of her vertical sleeve gastrectomy. She has loss a total of 102 pounds and she said she has never felt better- EVER. She has more energy, is happier, and just wouldn't change it for anything. She said he major improvement is her energy because now she can do so many things that weren't even a possibility a year ago. The downside is that she waited too long to lose the weight and now she has arthritis so she cant exercise very much but she doesn't need to; she is perfect. Everything about her has changed; she is so much happier, her smile is brighter and she just radiates positive energy.
That is what I want; a total body and mind renewal. The kids are getting harder to keep up with and I just can't wait until the day that I can keep up with them (or maybe even outlast them....keep dreaming).
Friday, October 3, 2014
Weight Loss Program and the Insurance Loops
I started at the Healthy Weight
Center at the end of April/beginning of May. They did an orientation and took
my measurements and vitals, then showed me around the building. At the end of
the orientation they make your appointments for the next 2 months; these
include nutrition, medical, behavioral, and exercise. I was so excited to get
started and meet with everyone so I wanted to make my appointments for as soon
as possible. As a part of the program they also offer group classes and group
exercise so I signed up for those. I was so excited and had a feeling that I
may be able to pull this off; I had a sense of hope that I had lost a long long
time ago.
Fast forward 5 months and I have one month left at the weight center. The time went by so fast and I have lost about 5 pounds that isn't near enough as I should have lost. Though the numbers on the scale don't say much I wish the knowledge I've gained could count as pounds too. Life just got in the way. Take last night as an example; my husband and I both got home around 5:45pm. We got the kids shoes and coats off and we changed out of our work clothes- it’s now 5:55pm. I look through the pantry, refrigerator and freezer for something to make for dinner; it’s now 6:00. I make dinner and sit down to eat but our 3-year old wants nothing to do with it. His only other alternative is scrambled eggs (I refuse to make 3 different things for him) so we make him some eggs. We finish eating, feeding the baby, and getting our toddler to eat- it’s now 6:45. I do dishes while my husband folds laundry and lets the dog out- it’s now 7:15. I get my lunch ready for work and change the baby's diaper.
7:30 rolls around and it's time to give the kids a bath. I bathe the baby and get him in his PJ's. It's now 7:45 and he is tired, fussy, and wants a bottle. While my husband bathes the toddler I make baby a bottle and fight with him to get him to fall asleep (even though he is exhausted). The time is now 8:30 and the baby just fell asleep and our toddler is in his PJ's and needs to go to bed. My husband takes him into his room and tries to read him a book but he is HYPER and wants nothing to do with it. After listening to dad and toddler fight I go in to mediate- the time is now 8:45. I leave dad to read to him some more at he finally emerges at 9:00. We both collapse on the couch only to hear our toddler playing in his room. We let him play and figure he will pass out eventually- then the door opens. I go in to read a few more books to him and I am finally able to leave his room at 9:20-ish.
The LAST thing I want to do at this point is exercise. I am frustrated, exhausted, and oh-so looking forward to another day at work away from my super-cute kids.
My husband and I attempt to watch some "adult" TV (no it’s not porn- it’s HGTV) since all we usually get to see are over-cheery kids cartoons. We give up trying to watch TV at 9:45 and head to bed.
So while other people may be able to workout at that point for 10, 20, or 60 minutes- I know that my sanity hinges on getting some sleep before the baby wakes up during the night.
This is my life 5 days a week. Most nights are quite so bad because my toddler is not usually so difficult to get to bed but it's exhausting.
Anyway- Until those kids move out- I don't see things slowing down one bit and I refuse to wait until that point to get healthy and feel better which is where the weight loss surgery comes in.
Most insurance companies require a 6-month physician monitored weight loss program prior to being approved for bariatric surgery. Since my BMI is 38 I also need to bring some "co-morbidities" with me. My triglycerides were high when I started the healthy weight center, my cholesterol is very slightly high, and my BP fluctuates. The healthy weight program is put on through our local hospital by the surgery center that would perform the actually procedure so the doctor I see is actually someone who knows what it takes to get approved. She suggested that I talk to my PCP (primary care physician or regular doctor) about putting me on some cholesterol medication (low-dose) and that would seal the deal on being approved for surgery. It's just sad that you have to be extra sick in order to be approved as opposed to slightly sick and just don't want those co-morbidities to even happen in the first place. She said after surgery I won’t need the medications so it's a win/win.
Anyone else annoyed with the process of being approved?
Fast forward 5 months and I have one month left at the weight center. The time went by so fast and I have lost about 5 pounds that isn't near enough as I should have lost. Though the numbers on the scale don't say much I wish the knowledge I've gained could count as pounds too. Life just got in the way. Take last night as an example; my husband and I both got home around 5:45pm. We got the kids shoes and coats off and we changed out of our work clothes- it’s now 5:55pm. I look through the pantry, refrigerator and freezer for something to make for dinner; it’s now 6:00. I make dinner and sit down to eat but our 3-year old wants nothing to do with it. His only other alternative is scrambled eggs (I refuse to make 3 different things for him) so we make him some eggs. We finish eating, feeding the baby, and getting our toddler to eat- it’s now 6:45. I do dishes while my husband folds laundry and lets the dog out- it’s now 7:15. I get my lunch ready for work and change the baby's diaper.
7:30 rolls around and it's time to give the kids a bath. I bathe the baby and get him in his PJ's. It's now 7:45 and he is tired, fussy, and wants a bottle. While my husband bathes the toddler I make baby a bottle and fight with him to get him to fall asleep (even though he is exhausted). The time is now 8:30 and the baby just fell asleep and our toddler is in his PJ's and needs to go to bed. My husband takes him into his room and tries to read him a book but he is HYPER and wants nothing to do with it. After listening to dad and toddler fight I go in to mediate- the time is now 8:45. I leave dad to read to him some more at he finally emerges at 9:00. We both collapse on the couch only to hear our toddler playing in his room. We let him play and figure he will pass out eventually- then the door opens. I go in to read a few more books to him and I am finally able to leave his room at 9:20-ish.
The LAST thing I want to do at this point is exercise. I am frustrated, exhausted, and oh-so looking forward to another day at work away from my super-cute kids.
My husband and I attempt to watch some "adult" TV (no it’s not porn- it’s HGTV) since all we usually get to see are over-cheery kids cartoons. We give up trying to watch TV at 9:45 and head to bed.
So while other people may be able to workout at that point for 10, 20, or 60 minutes- I know that my sanity hinges on getting some sleep before the baby wakes up during the night.
This is my life 5 days a week. Most nights are quite so bad because my toddler is not usually so difficult to get to bed but it's exhausting.
Anyway- Until those kids move out- I don't see things slowing down one bit and I refuse to wait until that point to get healthy and feel better which is where the weight loss surgery comes in.
Most insurance companies require a 6-month physician monitored weight loss program prior to being approved for bariatric surgery. Since my BMI is 38 I also need to bring some "co-morbidities" with me. My triglycerides were high when I started the healthy weight center, my cholesterol is very slightly high, and my BP fluctuates. The healthy weight program is put on through our local hospital by the surgery center that would perform the actually procedure so the doctor I see is actually someone who knows what it takes to get approved. She suggested that I talk to my PCP (primary care physician or regular doctor) about putting me on some cholesterol medication (low-dose) and that would seal the deal on being approved for surgery. It's just sad that you have to be extra sick in order to be approved as opposed to slightly sick and just don't want those co-morbidities to even happen in the first place. She said after surgery I won’t need the medications so it's a win/win.
Anyone else annoyed with the process of being approved?
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Intro.
Hello!
My name is Cate and I am a blogger virgin.
I wanted to start this blog as a way to document my journey as I struggle with my weight and as I get ready for bariatric surgery in the spring of 2015. While googling it was hard to find a blog that I related with and also one that was updated regularly! It seems that as soon as most bloggers lost some weight they stopped blogging and it drove me absolutely crazy.
So- I will just have to start one of my own and make sure that I don't do the same thing!
So here it goes!
About me:
I am a 27-year old mom of 2 and wife. I work in purchasing for a local manufacturing company and I work M-F/7:30-4. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can possibly remember; to say it has consumed my life is an understatement. If I lost weight I was consumed with keeping it off and when I gained weight I wanted to desperately lose it. Clothes don't fit right, moving is more difficult, I have no energy, every mirror is something I hate. About 5 months ago I started a weight loss program through our local hospital with every intention of working my ass off to get the weight off. I walked right into a very serious and frightening reality- I can't do this on my own. I wanted to be that blog success story about the girl who lost 100 pounds by running every day and eating a perfect diet (because I LOVE reading those!). That just isn't my reality. I work 40+ hours per week and my spare time is spent trying to regain so much of the time that is lost with my kids during the week. When we aren't doing laundry, making dinner, doing dishes, completing house projects, etc. we are cuddling our adorable boys. The staff at the weight center asked me if I would be willing to take 30 minutes a night or an hour and just go out on my own for "me time" to exercise. I refused; here's why. The majority of my time is spent AWAY from my children so taking an extra 30-60 minutes out of the 120-180 that I get per night with them is just not going to happen. Judge me all you want to.
So why don't you take them with you on a run or walk? I do- when they cooperate and when we have time! Honestly, by the time we get dinner cleaned up it's time for their baths and their bedtime routine. We rarely have extra time (when the sun is still out) to take them for a 30 minute walk.
It sounds like I am full of excuses but this is my reality. At the end of the day I am burnt out and having nothing left; not even for myself. For those of you who make it happen- you are incredible and I envy you but I am just not one of those people.
Sure I could work myself to death and lose some weight but keeping it off for years is not a likely outcome.
SO- after avoiding the topic and the fact that it was even an option (because at first I didn't want to even think of it as an option)- I have decided to have weight loss surgery.
Saying it out loud still hurts a little, like I have given up on myself- but i haven't. I am doing what I need to do to make sure that I can keep up with my kids and be there to dance at their wedding and hold their precious babies. I want to feel like I can get through the day without collapsing from exhaustion and lack of energy. I am giving myself my life back.
For those who think this is the easy way out- don't even bother trying to preach that here because those who can relate to my struggle know this is anything but easy.
Blog Name:
"a Branch on the Tree" may sound silly but I have always been a lover of trees. For some reason they "speak" to me. They grow for so long and can become these beautiful huge natural monuments. Every single tree is different and their branches have a mind of their own and grow whichever way the wind blows. I feel like they are the elders of nature (I know, I know- cheezy). I feel like each chapter and each event in my life is like a branch on my tree; its a part of my story and a part of what makes me me.
So- I hope you can relate and get something out of this. Worse case scenario I have a journal to document my journey and look back on a year or so from now!
My name is Cate and I am a blogger virgin.
I wanted to start this blog as a way to document my journey as I struggle with my weight and as I get ready for bariatric surgery in the spring of 2015. While googling it was hard to find a blog that I related with and also one that was updated regularly! It seems that as soon as most bloggers lost some weight they stopped blogging and it drove me absolutely crazy.
So- I will just have to start one of my own and make sure that I don't do the same thing!
So here it goes!
About me:
I am a 27-year old mom of 2 and wife. I work in purchasing for a local manufacturing company and I work M-F/7:30-4. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can possibly remember; to say it has consumed my life is an understatement. If I lost weight I was consumed with keeping it off and when I gained weight I wanted to desperately lose it. Clothes don't fit right, moving is more difficult, I have no energy, every mirror is something I hate. About 5 months ago I started a weight loss program through our local hospital with every intention of working my ass off to get the weight off. I walked right into a very serious and frightening reality- I can't do this on my own. I wanted to be that blog success story about the girl who lost 100 pounds by running every day and eating a perfect diet (because I LOVE reading those!). That just isn't my reality. I work 40+ hours per week and my spare time is spent trying to regain so much of the time that is lost with my kids during the week. When we aren't doing laundry, making dinner, doing dishes, completing house projects, etc. we are cuddling our adorable boys. The staff at the weight center asked me if I would be willing to take 30 minutes a night or an hour and just go out on my own for "me time" to exercise. I refused; here's why. The majority of my time is spent AWAY from my children so taking an extra 30-60 minutes out of the 120-180 that I get per night with them is just not going to happen. Judge me all you want to.
So why don't you take them with you on a run or walk? I do- when they cooperate and when we have time! Honestly, by the time we get dinner cleaned up it's time for their baths and their bedtime routine. We rarely have extra time (when the sun is still out) to take them for a 30 minute walk.
It sounds like I am full of excuses but this is my reality. At the end of the day I am burnt out and having nothing left; not even for myself. For those of you who make it happen- you are incredible and I envy you but I am just not one of those people.
Sure I could work myself to death and lose some weight but keeping it off for years is not a likely outcome.
SO- after avoiding the topic and the fact that it was even an option (because at first I didn't want to even think of it as an option)- I have decided to have weight loss surgery.
Saying it out loud still hurts a little, like I have given up on myself- but i haven't. I am doing what I need to do to make sure that I can keep up with my kids and be there to dance at their wedding and hold their precious babies. I want to feel like I can get through the day without collapsing from exhaustion and lack of energy. I am giving myself my life back.
For those who think this is the easy way out- don't even bother trying to preach that here because those who can relate to my struggle know this is anything but easy.
Blog Name:
"a Branch on the Tree" may sound silly but I have always been a lover of trees. For some reason they "speak" to me. They grow for so long and can become these beautiful huge natural monuments. Every single tree is different and their branches have a mind of their own and grow whichever way the wind blows. I feel like they are the elders of nature (I know, I know- cheezy). I feel like each chapter and each event in my life is like a branch on my tree; its a part of my story and a part of what makes me me.
So- I hope you can relate and get something out of this. Worse case scenario I have a journal to document my journey and look back on a year or so from now!
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